(North Mankato, MN) – Facing a chorus of criticism over what some say has been the restriction of the voice of its residents, North Mankato has now implemented a new simple 18 step process for residents who want to speak at City Council meetings.
Those seeking to address the council first need to undergo a criminal background and credit check. If there are no convictions greater than a misdemeanor and a credit score of at least 680, residents are then able to move on to the next set of criteria.
That next step is the completion of a 12 phase “Ninja Warrior” style obstacle course. The course includes a Salmon Ladder, Log Grip, Bridge of Blades and the Warped Wall.
Once the course is completed, residents must then answer a series of three riddles, posed by the troll-like creature that lives under the Veterans Memorial Bridge.
My life can be measured in hours,
I serve by being devoured.
Thin, I am quick
Fat, I am slow
Wind is my foe.
With correct answers to the troll’s three riddles, residents are then allowed to submit a 500 word essay on what issue they would like to address.
If approved, they’re scheduled to speak for 42 seconds at a future City Council meeting, but only if their issue is on the agenda for that night and only if their statement includes praise for at least two city staffers.
(Happy April 1st! This article is a part of an occasional series of attempted satire by SMT)
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